The dark side of desire: understanding the roots of our suffering
An exploration of the Buddhist 'second noble truth'
Suffering is a given. We all suffer.
Whether you live in a Third World slum or a Mayfair townhouse, we all have problems. And these problems expand to fill our consciousness. No matter who we are.
My wife ran into a wealthy friend last week, a successful business owner. As they chatted on the street, the friend bemoaned the strict rules on holidays at her son’s private school. Apparently, the system was inflexible and she was unable to extract the boy for their annual retreat to the Swiss Alps.
“It’s outrageous,” she said. “If we don’t get it resolved, he might not get to ski at all this year!”
Apparently, there was genuine alarm in her voice. My wife told the story with a gently mocking lilt. Still, it was clear this friend was anxious about the situation. Which is totally understandable. I do not think such an inconvenience should be dismissed as a mere ‘First World problem’. For our problems always matter to us. The scope may be relative, but the suffering is real.
Even within the First World itself, who should we compare ourselves to?
I may be living a comfortable life, that of a white-collar manager and proud homeowner. But as something of a small fish, I am not where I want to be in my career. Likewise, my house is small and my salary too meagre to trade up. This yearning for a higher station is a petty source of suffering; a recurring loop that comes on as I drive to the office in my ten year old Ford Focus, tracing the perfect lines of the German cars as they scream past.
If I ‘look down’ in the social hierarchy, I see destitute families. Innocents crammed into inadequate social housing. Men and women trapped in insecure, low-paid jobs - meaningless roles in which they are little more than fleshy robots.
And who ranks below them? Pick any failed nation state and you will encounter the truly wretched masses. Descend further and you enter the world’s innumerable war zones.
When it comes to self-assessment, which way should we look? The Mercedes driver looks up to the millionaire. The millionaire to the billionaire.
The Buddhist concept of the Second Noble Truth addresses this foundational issue when it identifies the root of all suffering.
Desire.
"Craving is the origin of suffering." Buddha (Dhammapada, Verse 277)
When we crave what we do not have, we suffer. We all know this infernal truth. Just as we know that our current possessions are irrelevant. To see a rich man closing in on a fresh fortune offers no surprises whatsoever. We are all familiar with the traps. But the ego is strong, and will always reach for what it thinks will bring comfort. We see a beautiful house and imagine ourselves living there in a state of contentment. I am no different. Of course, I imagine my ideal life as one of simple pastimes and familial bliss. But I still dream of money, and all the style and comfort it can bring.
My own suffering comes from that most painful of desires. The desire that my life is not as it is. The wish that I made another decision in the distant past and am now living a life of natural ease. I constantly quiz myself along the following lines:
I love learning about psychology. What if I had went to university? I would likely be a successful academic or renowned psychologist.
I was once a sailor in the Royal Navy. What if I had joined an elite fighting regiment instead? I would be feared and respected as a grizzled war hero.
I enjoyed a jaunt around New Zealand in my mid-twenties. What if I stayed there? I would be living the tranquil life of a wise outdoorsman.
In these fantasies, it never occurs to me that the converse could also be true.
As a bookish professor, I wish I had spent my youth exploring the world, instead of being cloistered away in stale libraries.
As a broken lonely veteran, I wish I had a loving family around me.
As a Londoner faraway from home, I wish I could find my place in the world.
"From craving springs grief, from craving springs fear; for him who is wholly free from craving, there is no grief, much less fear." Buddha (Dhammapada, Verse 216)
It seems that desire truly is at the root of all suffering. And yet, despite my belief in this concept, I am unable ignore the gnawing thoughts. Naturally, I would like them to cease. I desire an end to desire!
And so the wheel turns.
The mind is a brilliant and terrifying thing.