This is why we suffer
Suffering never ends - but by understanding its causes we can soften its sting
The Buddha spoke a lot about suffering. He said that suffering comes primarily from desire, or craving. When I first heard this it made no sense. After all, in our goal-centric Western mindset desiring things (and more importantly getting those things) is an endless source of satisfaction. It seems life is one long chain of desire and satiation. We work towards that promotion then move into the corner office. We train hard then take our place on the podium. We court the love of our life then fall into rapture of marriage. That is desire. And it all seems so ordinary. Indeed, desire is a necessary emotion; one which pushes us on to ever greater success. It is the urge which drives us from our beds in the morning. How are we meant to get what we want if we don’t pursue our dreams? How will we ever be happy?
Still, I appreciate too much desire is a bad thing. We can all conjure the scenes. The lone man standing in the rain outside the restaurant, watching his emancipated ex on a romantic date. The passed-over middle-manager snarling at his co-workers’ promotion. Or how about the fan-less coffeeshop writer dreaming of a large, engaged audience? We all know that thwarted desire creates suffering. So, presumably, it is not the desire itself that causes suffering, rather it is unmet desire.
I considered this framing last week while shopping in Primark. As I idled through the t-shirt section, uninspired yet open to suggestion, I overheard a conversation between a prim middle-class, middle-aged man and his similarly buttoned-up son (not your usual Primark type - unlike me, a working-class, down-at-heel South Londoner). The man eyed the racks of Marvel mech and with a little sneer said ‘this place is a cathedral of capitalism’.
Alliteration aside, I thought it was a silly thing to say. You could call Harrods a Cathedral of Capitalism. But, Primark? A chapel of capitalism at the very most. It was a truly dad-esque attempt at humour, yet I had to admin there was a seed of truth in his sniffy remark. Surrounded by all that tat - and the dishevelled customers shovelling it into their baskets - I was hit by a realisation. Everyone in that shop was motivated by desire. From the lowly, underpaid staff to the harried single mums, they all wanted something. Myself included. And yes, even the sardonic, tweedy man. In his case, he wanted escape. It struck me then, even in our mundane moments, we stimulated by desire.
Taṇhā is the Pali word for desire. The Buddha described it as a thirst for pleasurable experience - in this case, buying things, the promise of new possessions. As well as the desire to avoid unpleasant experiences - waiting in that quarrelsome queue as it wiggles its way through the underwear section. Wanting things to be other than they are is the root of all suffering. To realise that truth is liberating. However, the trick is to not only know it, but feel it. I understand this on an intellectual level, but am yet to reach that second, more ephemeral state. That said, I am putting in the hours on the mat, so perhaps the answer will come with time. I do hope so. But then, isn’t that just more desire?